Monday, February 12, 2018

Stage 3 in Marriage: Everything You Need to Know and How to Overcome it

stage 3 in marriage

Fairy tales, like fairies, aren't real. No prince would spend his whole time thinking and looking for that one woman he met in the woods or at his party. No man would give up his life for a woman he met a few days ago. No one would give up his entire fortune for that "true love's kiss."

You'll meet that "perfect soulmate" at a certain point in your life. The good news, it happens to almost everyone. Bad news, nobody's perfect, even that Prince Charming of yours. We all know that humans always tend to act as behaved as possible to give an excellent first impression. Imagine yourself as his "job interview." If he successfully gets the job, it's just a matter of months or years before he gets too comfortable and relaxed while his effort for his work gradually declines. Then there comes the phase I love to call "Stage 3".

Stage 3 in Marriage

"Stage 3" is the phase in relationships and marriages where couples experience ultimate dryness. It's when you wonder where the person you once loved has gone. This stage usually lasts for months and even years if you survive. Most young couples tend to look at this differently and choose to end the challenge early. If you're currently in this stage, you may try to work it out as hard as possible. I hate to break this to you- but you'll most likely fail.

Why? Because to overcome "Stage 3", you and your partner/husband need to accept and understand it clearly.

1. Stage 3 happens to almost every couple on earth, even the perfect ones. Chewing gum won't always be sweet. After a few minutes of chewing it, it'll lose its taste. A cup of coffee won't always be hot. It'll eventually get cold and lose its essence.

2. Stage 3 is emotional and mental torture. You'd always find yourself reminiscing the times when he was still that good-looking guy-next-door who's so obsessed with you. You'd miss the roses, chocolates, and late night / early morning texts to check out on you. In general, you'd miss the time when he was still in love with you. Don't get me wrong. "I'm in love with her" and "I love her" are entirely different.

3. Stage 3 is your relationship purgatory. You can decide if your marriage is still worth fighting at this stage. If he acknowledges that there's a problem going on and if he's willing to help work it out, it's a good sign. If he constantly denies it and puts all the blame on you, then it's time to stop.

4. Stage 3 isn't about having a third party.
If you think this is just "Stage 3" because he's having an affair with someone else, then you're 1,001 percent wrong. Time to leave. No reason to re-think your options. "A cheater will always be a cheater" is continuously proven by millions of women worldwide. If you're married, suing him is the perfect way to protect your rights.

5. Stage 3 is the perfect time to mature and learn how to control your emotions. I get it. Stage 3 makes you and your feelings tear into pieces. But eventually, you'll realize that you're already poisoning yourself, your job, and the people around you. If you can last a day or two without crying or feeling depressed about your partner, you're only a few steps away from maturity.

6. Stage 3 can be your biggest challenge. If you successfully overcame this phase still intact, you're one of the few couples who could no longer be threatened by the most common marriage problems like money, in-laws, pride, work, priorities, etc. You'll be as vigorous and happier as ever. But if you get stuck and feel like there's no progress, you can flip the "emotion switch" anytime and see how it goes without touching it.

How I Got Out of Stage 3

Our Stage 3 occurred from our 3rd year of being together and 1st year of being married (2008) to our first child's 1st year (2014). I got stuck and spent most of those years begging for attention and trying everything to return to the days we were so in love. Six years have passed, and I finally realized there's no way I could relive those moments. Besides, there was a time in 2011 when he told me that he had just grown and become more mature. He left me. He left me alone in our dreamland.

Before my first son was born, I asked God to help me transfer all the unnecessary love from my husband to our son. That's what happened after he was born. It felt like a switch flipped. It felt amazing. For the first time in forever, the unconditional love I was offering to another human felt right.

But my journey was not that easy. Happy couples on TV used to break me even more. There were many times when I had to turn all my emotions off so I wouldn't feel anything. I was that tired.

I currently don't have any grudge toward my husband. I'm just learning to accept that not everyone can understand what unconditional is. Or maybe some people are just being too honest to think about love and would rather spend their entire energy doing more important things for their ego and money.

We're okay. We're happy as a family, especially now that we have just welcomed a baby girl. I spend my entire time caring for the kids and working as an online freelancer for more than 100 hours per week. See what I did there? No space for unnecessary thoughts.

Fairy tales always end at weddings. Now, we all know why.

Feeling stuck in your marriage or relationship? These books may help...

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts

In the #1 New York Times international bestseller The 5 Love Languages, you'll discover the secret that has transformed millions of relationships worldwide. Whether your relationship is flourishing or failing, Dr. Gary Chapman's proven approach to showing and receiving love will help you experience deeper and richer levels of intimacy with your partner—starting today.

This Is How Your Marriage Ends: A Hopeful Approach to Saving Relationships

This Is How Your Marriage Ends: A Hopeful Approach to Saving Relationships

One night during his divorce, after one too many vodkas and a call with a phone therapist-who told him to "journal his feelings," Matthew Fray started a blog. He needed to figure out how his ex-wife...

Nate and Kaley Klemp succeeded in their careers, consulting for high-powered companies worldwide. However, their work as mindfulness and leadership experts often fell to the wayside when they came home in the evening...

Are You in a Relationship, But You Feel Like There's Too Much Negative Energy? Here's a Helpful Guide for You to Overcome This Obstacle and Enjoy Your Life as a Couple!

Check this out on Amazon

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